Postpartum Depression

    

     Let's talk about it.  Postpartum depression is such a hard topic to talk about.  I mean you spend 9 months growing this beautiful, perfect human who literally depends on you for everything.  Breath, food, a home, is all within you & then that baby is born.  They don't depend on you for breath anymore.  Now your job is to protect them.  My baby is 7 months old and I still struggle with not feeling good enough.  Feeling like my husband and son would be better off with a mom and a wife who has it all together.  Who doesn't cry when she gets overwhelmed, but that is a lie.  That is the devil coming to kill, steal, and destroy.  

    I may not be perfect by any means, but I am the perfect fit for my family.  Our son is 1/2 me and 1/2 my husband into one perfect human.  As moms we put too much pressure on being the "perfect wife and mother," when to be quite honest, there is no such thing as a perfect wife or mother.  I don't at the moment, but when I have dirty dishes in the sink, my husband and son still love me anyway.  When I have laundry in the dryer, which I in fact do right now, my husband and son still love me.  I am not called to be the perfect wife or mother, but I am called to just be a wife and a mother to my family. "Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also praises her." Proverbs 31: 28 CSB. 

     Her children RISE up and call her BLESSED. I love that scripture because we are blessed. There are many definitions of blessed if you ask Merriam-Webster, but to me, the word blessed means that we get more than we deserve.  I am just a small-town girl but trust me I was blessed with my amazing husband and my wonderful son! They are more than I deserve.  My husband reminded me last night that marriage ain't always 50-50.  Sometimes one person can only give 1% and it is up to their spouse to give the other 99%.   

    Our Lord reminds us daily that we are good enough.  Who cares if you have stretch marks, or love handles, or a little saggy skin.  I have always had a problem with comparing myself to others. In my senior year of high school, I had an eating disorder.  When I was 17 I weighed 110 lbs, and that is not by nature.  In my junior year, I weighed around 125lbs, but the devil was in my ear constantly about how I was fat, how I wasn't pretty enough, & how I wasn't good enough.  So I did something about it.  I dropped the weight fast.  I was athletic so I was not eating and then going to run every day.  Around this time I was probably 115ish well then I got sick with the flu.  I was so sick, I dropped even more weight & I got down to a solid 102 until I got over being sick.  

    Looking back now I looked sick.  You could tell I had things going on and I am so thankful I found a man who reminded me that I was good enough.  Flash forward to almost 4 years later I have a wonderful husband and son who need me to be my best.  PPD is a real thing.  I have seen the ugly.  The wanting to give up.  The wanting to stay in bed all day to avoid stress, but that is the devil! He doesn't want us to see us giving God the glory.  He wants to remind us that we are not enough & he wants us to fail.  This is the day the Lord has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it.  I will REJOICE and be glad in it!! 

    My faith has struggled lately.  I kept feeling like God just turned from me.  All I saw was dark in a time I needed light.  I was raised Southern Baptist.  My husband and I started going to his church which is Non-Denominational, and let me tell you it was EYE OPENING!!  My faith has been opened so much and I have been happier because of it.  I want to be on fire for God and I want to share what he has done in my life.  

    PPD is real & it is not okay to go through it alone.  If you don't feel comfortable talking to someone, feel free to use my contact form! You can put "Anonymous PPD" in the name!  I am always here to talk! 

XOXO Kennedy